The Importance of being able to Relate

Before I begin writing my reflective paper I should probably narrow my topic down a little farther. I guess the only thing I have seemed to have stayed on track with is that I do believe that a lot of what I see on TV pertaining to courtship is a somewhat accurate reflection of reality. However I am only speaking for the courtship part, the dating and relationships, not the plot lines. Well at least in the shows that I am an audience for. I can’t really speak for the shows that I do not watch. My boyfriend calls the shows I watch “girly” shows.

Anyways, earlier I wrote about how I could relate to Seth and Summer’s relationship on the OC. However I left out the importance of being able to relate to the relationships. I could watch certain shows like Seinfeld and Will and Grace all day and get a laugh out of them. They are hilarious, but I do not have any kind of connection to the character, I think the shows are funny, but I don’t feel like I could learn anything from them. However if I can relate to a particular relationship and situation or argument that occurs in the relationship that I can relate too, I can chose to learn from the situation. It becomes something that can personally help me and give me advice rather than something that is just entertaining to watch.

In the show, Seth had a friend named Anna who had a crush on him, and Summer would get jealous and get upset and would not let Seth explain anything to her, when really Seth had just run into Anna and was actually used her to help in get Summer back. I can relate to this because Jeremy had a friend she would go to when we would fight and it really upset me, and seeing this relationship between Seth and Anna helped me to understand and listen to my boyfriend more when it would come to other girls.

The One Where Ross Can't Flirt

In order to narrow my topic down a little, I am going to pick a particular television show to narrow down to. In the past I have written mostly about Friends and the OC. As much as I love the OC, I guess I am a little biased towards it because I believe I am the target audience. However, I am going to choose Friends because as much as I love the show and the humor, I have a little less bias.

The One Where Ross Can't Flirt Season 5 Episode 19.

I believe the implied author of Friends is probably people or a person who wants to share some one their experiences with the world. People or a person in their middle ages, who experiences, or had friends that experienced having a group of close friends in their 30s. I would assume that they experienced a lot of the situations that the six characters of friends experienced, because of the emotions and reactions that were set behind the characters. The character of the implied writer is hilarious. The writer seems to be able to express all of the emotions and comical aspects of many situations. The For example, in “the One Where Ross Can’t Flirt” the argument of whether it is okay to flirt with someone while you are in a relationship becomes an issue within Monica and Chandlers relationship. Monica gets irritated by chandlers “flirting” with the Pizza girl, and has to hold her own by saying that it is okay because she flirts all the time too. Then the argument unravels. Both sides of the argument are addressed which is why I believe the implied author is writing from personal experiences, which in turn gives the author more credibility and trust. The writer of Friends is Doty Abrams, however I can seem to find anything out about him or her. I guess he/she wants to remain unknown.

The implied audience when dealing with courtship for the show is people outside of college in the dating world. The show tends to deal with a lot of the dating issues that occur in the real world. It deals with the issues of flirting and meeting people, while also dealing with the issues that occur while already in a relationship. Monica and Chandler who in this episode are about to have their 10 month anniversary are dealing with the idea of flirting with others outsides of their relationship, and Ross is dealing with the act of flirting and meeting girls in general. I believe the show is intending to influence the audience on the acts of courtship. The writers want to express their opinions on write and wrong in the dating world and they do it through conflict of the characters, and also by addressing actually conflict that actually does occur to most people in the dating world. Many people have issues meeting other people and flirting. It is very common. Also the issue of jealous within relationships is also another common concern.

As an actual audience member, I do no in whole include myself in the intended audience, because when the show was actually aired on Television I found myself a little young to be dealing with some of the issues addressed on the show. For example, I was in high school and still living with my parents. However when I go back and watch the show now, I do believe I am an intended audience, because I live in an apartment with my friends and I am on my own in the dating world. Just like Monica and Chandler, My boyfriend and I have also had arguments pertaining to jealousy and flirting, so when the conclusion for the argument was made, is applies to me also.

I think the goal of Friends, when pertaining to courtship, is to portray the importance of friends when dealing with love, dating, and relationships. For example, in this episode Ross tries to also flirt with the pizza girl end ends up failing miserably when he seems to get nervous and ends up talking about the smell of gas. However, Rachel sees how disappointed and upset Ross is over his horrible embarrassing encounter and she goes after the pizza girl and talks him up to her and ends up getting her number for Ross. The show deals with the emotions of being rejects, or feeling jealousy.

The show assumes that the audience can either related to the situations the characters are put in, or at least be able to find the show humorous and entertaining if they are unable to relate. For example, even though Ross was having issues flirting, if a person can relate, they can hopefully find humor in the fact that they ordered 10 pizzas just to talk to this girl, or that he talked about gas. The show is entertainment with a way of expressing messages on life. What are some solutions for certain situations? What should a friends do in a situation where another friends was embarrassed or hurt by the opposite sex? Anyone who watches the show can gain something from it, even if it is not learning flirting 101, I learned from this episode that gas actually does not have a smell, but that the smell is put in so if there is a leak it can be detected. I also learned that when girls flirt with guys, the guy is thinking, "Finally! Somebody who wants to sleep with me!" however, whether I actually chose to believe it is up to me.

A Little Carried Away…

Have you ever wondered why the writers of television shows try to fit as much drama and conflict within a relationship as they can into one episode? A perfect example would be the OC. Whether the fight or issues are between the parents Sandy and Kirsten or the son Seth and his girlfriend summer, or the adopted boy, Ryan and his girlfriend or love interest at the time, or even Kirsten’s friend Julie and her man.

The more relationships the more drama possibilities, the more drama, the more likely the viewer will be able to relate to at least one of the relationships and their issues. Personally I think that my relationship would relate more to Seth and Summer drama. For example, they are both teenagers and Seth had to pursue Summer and win over her affection. When I was in junior high I dated a guy for awhile and we had a really bad breakup. After that I was really closed off to any committed relationship in general. Jeremy, my current boyfriend, was really interested in me and I liked him but I was not ready to have a relationship, He never gave up and one valentines day he left a teddy bear and a note on my car at 6 in the morning before my dance practice telling me he would never give up on me. Needless to say, we have been dating for about 5 years, but valentines day will be our 2 year (official committed) anniversary. So I can relate to I guess the “chase” of their relationship.

Another example of Seth and Summer I can relate to is one of their breakups when Summer dates a nice guy named Zach but after while realizes she still has feelings for Seth. Although I was not officially dating Jeremy at the time, we took a break from each other and I started dating a guy named Danny. We were dating for about 2 months when little things started to remind me of Jeremy. I realized I still had feelings for Jeremy and I broke things off with Danny. Then eventually Jeremy and I started dating again.

I guess personally I can not relate to any of the other relationships in the show, because I am young and I have nothing in common with the “bad boy” Ryan and either of his girlfriends Marissa or Taylor. I still can relate to Seth and Summer, and I still have hope that one day I can relate to Sandy and Kirsten’s relationship because that are happily married after many years, and are still very much in love. One day I hope for the same.

A Blog Titled "Love: As Seen On TV"

As I was browsing through the web to look at different blogs, I came upon one that was strikingly familiar. This blog was about romance AND television! I was intrigued so I read on and even more exited to find out this person also wrote about Friends and the many other television shows that I have watched over the years. The Blog is titled “Love: As Seen On TV.” http://www.christianitytoday.com/cl/2003/001/1.38.html

What caught my attention the most in this blog was a section she titled, “TV’s Big Love Myths.” There were four myths, Sex, The Quick Fix, Different Values Don’t Matter, and The Futures to Far Away to Think About. I disagree with a lot of these, throwing religion and faith out of the picture. For example, she thinks that TV characters act as if “Sex” is not in issue, and “the future is to far away to think about,” that the characters usually do not care about a persons past relationships. While that may be the case in some shows, I disagree that it is the case for most, especially the shows that have a larger female audience like the ones that she has been using as examples. Past relations ships have caused many issues to TV couples. For example, on Friends, Richard Monica’s previous relationship comes back to try and interfere with Chandler and Monica. Another example would be from 7th Heaven. When Sandy and Martin have a one night stand and she get pregnant. It ruins Martins relationship with his current girlfriend at the time, and it completely changes both of their lives now that a kid is in the picture. Sex is an issue a lot of the time, and I believe that by showing the mistakes and consequences on television, could possibly keep them from happening in reality.

“The Quick Fix,” she states is a myth that TV relationships can fix broken people. I do not think this is a myth at all. A relationship can fix broken people, maybe not all people but some. Her example was that On Gilmore Girls Rory was able to fix Jesse, who was a rebellious teenager. She helped him believe in himself. I do not think it is fair to say that that is a myth because while she may not have helped someone, other people may have. This is really hard for me to write because it brings up a lot of emotions, but I had a friend in high school named Jonathan Whitaker. He was a really messed up guy, but I was there for him, someone to talk to. He would tell me a million things and usually they seemed really far fetched and I would not believe him. I would just nod and smile or say I am sorry. Then he dropped out of school and I did not see him for awhile, and then one day at my dance team car wash I saw him from a distance and smiled. He just left. Three months later I got an email telling me that he checked himself into rehab for drugs or alcohol that day because he remembered that someone believed in him. While this may not have been true, i choose to believe him. We talked for awhile through emails and then I went to college and that was it. September of last year I got a call from a friend that told me John had committed suicide, shot himself in a church parking lot. I do not believe that this was my fault because we has stopped communicating, if anything I believe I helped him keep himself alive longer, but I also believe that if John had more people there to believe in him or care about him, he would have stayed on the right path. I do not believe it is fair to say what is reality or a myth unless you have experienced it.

Another Myth she started is “That Different Values Don’t Matter.” She uses 7^th Heaven as an example about Matt the son of a minister marries Sara the son of a Rabbi, but she leaves out the part where Matt’s dad refuses to attend the wedding and all of the difficulties they went through because different values DO matter. My friend Rachel went on and internship this summer in Chicago and she met a guy Calvin and they dated for about 3 months. However, Rachel is Jewish and Calvin was an extreme Christian. They tried everything to keep dating, and Rachel’s parents told her if she marries out of her faith they would not pay for her wedding and so on. These differences finally drove them apart, but after about 3 weeks of being apart they got back together behind her parents back, because they were in love. Needless to say, they did not live happily ever after, they did break up, but not because they weren’t willing to work through there religious differences, they broke up because of distance.

Love in a 13 inch Box (or larger if you are lucky)

Television shows exist for their audience’s entertainment. If the show leaves the audience unsatisfied, then the show will most likely be cancelled due to lack of audience. However, when television deals with romance, love, and courtship they have to go by what their target audience wants. Does their audience want to see perfectly happy, and eternally in love couples, or do they want to see a bit of the real life they can relate to.

Even though I want my night in shinning armor to rescue me from reality, and ride me into the sunset on his beautiful white horse, the chances of that actually happening is probably slim to none. I have had a boyfriend for about 4 years now, and I would be lying if I said that we are perfectly happy and completely in love. My prince charming has a pile of dirty laundry on his floor and drinks milk from the carton. We are happy and in love…most of the time. A somewhat accurate comparison to my relationship would be Chandler and Monica’s relationship on the TV show “Friends.” They are happy and in love, but even the invented TV couple had their ups and downs, just like “real” couples do. Not to mention the amount of ups and downs the characters Ross and Rachel had on the show before they finally got together.

The majority of the relationships and courting portrayed on TV shows might not be a perfectly accurate reflection of society, but it is close enough for the viewers to relate to. Although certain situations might not apply to every person at a particular time, they might apply to that person in the future or to someone around them. For example, Chandler and Monica were not able to have children so they had to adopt, but it still worked out for them in the end.

As our society grows, courtship is becoming less and less about the passion and the romance in a relationship, but more about the equality of men and women. Why should women be treated more special then men?Although this might seem a little far fetched, is it possible that treating your partner as an equal could be taking away the elements of surprise and passion in a relationship? Would not treating a partner as an equal instead of someone you yearn for and feel lucky to be in the presence of make the relationship boring?